Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Love / Hate relationship

It took me awhile to summon up just the idea of writing this post. Diabetes and I have a Love/ Hate relationship going on, and I will explain to you why I feel this is.

Before Diabetes, I wouldn't have guessed I was low when I was shaky/ dizzy, and just not feeling right. However last night I felt all of the above and decided out of curiosity to test myself. I was '73' which is considered by all "normal" for a non diabetic, but I felt like crap, and decided to "treat" myself. I ate a pixie stick, and went on with my business. In a short while I felt 100% better. So therefore there is the little bit of "love" I will show to D. I thank D for teaching me to look for the "signs" of a lower blood sugar.

However I also have a HUGE 'hate' relationship with D as well. This 'hate' relationship was even more amplified last night while I had to pry my sleeping child's mouth open, not just one time to 'treat' him but twice. To my non D readers, "Have you ever tried to shove sugar down a sleeping child's mouth"?. It's not fun, let me tell you. Clifford refused after numerous attempts by me to wake up. Now let me start by saying he wasn't dangerously low, but he was lower then I would like to have him at only 10pm. When I went to check him before my bedtime he was '86'. This would be a wonderful # during the day, but at nighttime it upsets my stomach. I then decided to give him a pixie stick to tide him over. After I'd say 5 mins of attempting to wake him up, I had to do what any good mom would do when trying to shove sugar down their sleeping child's throat, get him to slightly open his mouth, and what I like to call "Fish hook" my finger on the side of his cheek to keep it open enough to pour the pixie stick in, all the while he is sleeping. After I got that completed I felt confident enough to go to bed.

Now I don't know about you but I surely believe that God has entrusted in me a 6th sense of sorts, to just have a feeling that I need to test Clifford. However last night I think he offered up some assistance to awake me so I could do it. My neighbors or whomever it was woke me up with a car parked outside our house about 40 mins later, and they would not go away. It was annoying enough to wake me up completely, then for some reason I decided I should go check on Clifford. Once I got up, and looked out the window, the car decided it was time to leave. After testing him again he had only come up to 90! Again an awesome number during the day but at night nope, no thank you. I again had to pry open his mouth and pour another pixie stick down it. Thankfully the rest of the night was rest, until 4am when the twins awoke, and I decided to check on Clifford before going back to sleep. With the beep of the meter it was like a ton of bricks hit me, '232'. REALLY?!?!?!?! By this time the pixie stick really had no effect on this because I retested 30 mins after treating the '90' and he was at a nice 131.

Now apparently the ugly dawn phenomenon decided to rear it's ugly head. After the night we had, and the forcing sugar down his throat, D couldn't let me have at least one victory with a nice waking number, instead he was 213 at breakfast. Well you know what D, I did have a victory, he woke up to greet yet another day! I kept him from dropping lower, and God was on our side to awake me to check him when he was only 90! So ha take that!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Behavior and Diabetes....

Have you ever noticed your child having overly obnoxious behavior as in being more whiny then normal? Perhaps throwing a tantrum over something you think is very silly. How about lashing out with rude words and phrases at you and siblings? Well this sort of behavior is normal for kids of all ages with or without D.

However there are times I can tell Cliffy is either high or low based on his behavior alone. When he's high, he tends to be more whiny, more easy to throw a temper tantrum, especially over nothing at all. He is more grumpy, and crabby when he's high as well. Besides having a high blood sugar is no fun at all, you get a headache and feel down right icky, and worn out. When he's lower he has overly obnoxious behavior and tends to be downright rude and disrespectful.

But like with everything else D related I don't let Clifford use his diabetes as an excuse to be bad. He's a smart kid and if I started letting him do that he would act up and blame it on D all the time. I've had many talks with him that start either with, "Go test yourself, then we'll talk", or "Just because your (low/high) doesn't give you the right to act up. Trying having that convo in public around others. "Just because your high doesn't mean you can act like that to me"... The looks are priceless.

I fully understand some of these behaviors are increased in intensity due to blood sugar's. However I do not let him use it as an excuse. It goes with he can do whatever he sets his mind to D or not. I want him to feel like a normal kid, and we talk about the actions and how he doesn't get a free ticket to being disrespectful.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

What to accomplish before the Apocalypse.....

With Judgement Day now rescheduled until October 21st, 2011, I got to thinking what I wanted to accomplish before it gets here. First off I see it happening more like my picture, but eh, that's just me. Secondly I would prefer it wait at least 6+ months into 2012 so I can accomplish one of my bigger things to get done before said apocalypse, but that's a personal one and it's secret ;).

Now we really don't have a lot of time until Oct 21st, 2012, so I better get cracking on what I want to get done. The twins will be turning 1 at the beginning of October, so that's a big one. I think a cure for Diabetes would be awesome before the end. Also a nice visit to Ireland would be super as well. I would like to get a new cute dress, a dress that I can wear now being Non pregnant for the summer, and perhaps some new sandals. A new bikini would be nice as well, but I need to get a tan first, no one wants to see Caspar walking around.

Now with all fun and games over with I really do not believe Judgement Day will happen on Oct 21st, 2011. And it's a little kick to Christians everywhere for ONE person to claim he knows when it is going to happen when there is technically only one person who actually knows.

"No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Diabetes and Insurance...

We've had our battles in the past and have come out on top, with the most recent being a pharmacist boo boo that took 6 days to fix. Yes 6 days until we had in hand all our monthly diabetic supplies that keep Clifford alive. They were lucky that I make sure to stockpile and had all that I needed to get us through until the pulled their heads out of their bums and fixed the error.

So now this time it's the insurance. We asked about getting Clifford on a CGM because he's not always feeling his lows. He will feel himself drop, but not always his lows. He is also having random lows during the night only found on random checks, not scheduled ones.

This mama needs some sleep and so does our T1D. Just something to put our mind at ease a bit and help with these random drops. So what are we told, "Talk to the administrator that handles the insurance claims to see if it's covered". Well the admin finally calls back about a week later to let me know "It's not covered at all, they won't cover it", however you can purchase the machine for only $1200, and the sensors are $40 a pop and need to be changed what every 2-3 days.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA to you miss administrator because I refuse to be told that the insurance won't cover something I'm dead set on that my son needs. So I nicely said, "Okay you'll be hearing from me again soon" muahahahahaha (evil laugh).

Currently in the process of talking with said insurance company and having our Case Management team that handles claims that "are not covered" work on it. I'll update when things get situated. But insurance and diabetes is enough to give me a headache. It's not like a pain killer you can just deal with the pain without. Certain diabetic supplies and oh yeah INSULIN they need to what's that, yeah LIVE!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Looking at Photographs.....

That's Clifford about 1 month before being diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. D probably already began it's invasion on his body during this time, but we had no idea. It's hard to go back and look at old photographs, instead of just remembering the happy times, or that particular occasion, it's more of a "Hey that was before D" scenario. All of the pictures now are "Before D", and "After D".

Eventually I get to remembering what happened or what was going on when that picture was taken, but the first thought was that was before all of this.. How do you get past labeling your pictures "Before and After D?". You don't, you will always remember if that picture was taken before or after. It's not always a bad thing, it can be hard, and sad, but it's also a time to think about how lucky you are, even now after the diagnosis.

This particular picture may have been before D, and even though it's hard to look back on these pictures, it's also a happy feeling because he is still with us. It takes awhile to get over the guilt of diagnosis I will call it. I previously wrote a post on this subject which you can find here. But eventually we do move on from blaming ourselves for D entering our lives, and work in taking as much comfort in our new "norm" that we can. Besides D has enough power in our relationship already, don't give it more then it deserves!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Screw You D, this summer!!

After 4 days of waking with "Moderate" ketones, (We flushed them out everyday btw) we finally had a reading of none this morning!! All week I've been pushing Vitamin C, and his children's vitamins to keep him free from catching what was going through the younger kids. So far so good :). The verdict from the doctors was the girls had an Upper Respiratory infection, which was one of the 800 million things Google suggested it could be, Go Google for being right!

After this past cold/flu season I'm really hoping we can all catch a break from illnesses. Caring for a sick kid is well difficult, caring for a sick diabetic kid is scary on top of difficult. Thankfully we managed to get through many illnesses free from going to the ER or any hopsital stays! We will be going into the Summer season with a new attitude, "Screw you D!, we're in charge!".

We are not going to let D ruin our summer. D will not get in the way of normal summer fun like playing outside, running, playing sports, or anything else that involves an increase in activity! D can take a back seat this summer and let us do our thing. So to D we will say:

Screw You D
This summer you will let us be
Normal kids all full of life
Take a backseat and cause no strife

We will run, jump, skip and play
until the sunshine fades away
When you come knocking
we will be rocking

On top of our D game
causing you nothing but shame
Take a break this summer
Because for you, D, it will be a bummer

Okay so my poetic skills are lacking but you get the picture! Why not join us in saying "Screw You to D" for your summer vacation as well!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The dreaded Ketones....

Per my last posting, I suspected that Clifford might be getting sick. We have no temperature, no cough, no runny nose, no other symptoms of him getting sick, other then a few higher blood sugars, and the dreaded ketones. We were within range during the night, (116 at 10pm, etc) and woke at 244 with as you can see 1.2 ketones.... *sigh* Second day of what we'll call "moderate" ketones. Yesterday was 0.9. The normal "ketone" schedule followed ( Drink extra water, pee, drink more water, pee again, extra insulin, pee)

I really do not like seeing this number on the ketone meter, just sayin'. Tells me, because the 244 is not super high, and we've had those numbers before with "ZERO" ketones, he is most likely getting sick. So in the event he had his vitamins as normal, and some added vitamin C to hopefully kick whatever is trying to get him 's hiney!

I originally suspected Croup as the culprit to enter the house via Hayleigh from Preschool. As Hayleigh had out of no where spiked a fever, and had a deep barking cough. But even after going to the doctor's there was no diagnosis. Now with Maggie coughing, and wheezing, Abby losing her voice, and coughing, I'm thinking it may be something else. We shall see what the doctor says today for both those girls.

I definitely miss the "School free" days when germs were kept at bay and we went through cold/ flu/allergy season with nothing more then a few sniffles.... It just looks like I'll be adding more vitamins, and immunity items to my arsenal come fall when Abby goes to Kindergarten, to bring even more germs home. Also thinking perhaps we should invest in some masks (serious, not kidding)...... Here's hoping it's not much of anything and all will be free from it soon, seeing as we are entering into SUMMER VACATION.

Back to my original topic, Ketones... They suck, plain and simple. We flushed them out yesterday, and we'll flush them out today but how dare they sneak into Cliffy's body. Thank you D for helping them to appear. But just like you, they are not welcome. At least with Ketones we can get rid of them.... One day D your day will come, one day... * Evil laugh follows*....

Monday, May 16, 2011

Illnesses and More.....

The house has some how become stricken with a cold, at least the kids that is. Cliffy hasn't yet started showing symptoms but it's a matter of time because his bg#'s are fluctuating up a storm from good to high. All last week we didn't have a high waking number and today it was 214 with 0.3 ketones. While I know under 0.4 not really much ketones, but still much higher then our 0.0 or 0.1.

Just the fluctuation in bg#'s tells me something is coming on. I guess that is one positive of Diabetes, you can usually tell a day or two in advance from bg#'s that he is getting sick or will be sick soon. Thankfully the only positive thing from this "cold" to me is that it's just that a cold, there is no vomiting.

If you know about T1D and vomiting well, then you will know just how relieved I am that it does not accompany this cold. It is very hard to keep the bg#s up of someone who can't keep any food, (carbs) in their tummy's. With this cold we'll probably have some high's to deal with and maybe small or trace doses of ketones from the higher numbers. So it will be fluids, fluids, fluids, and probably some motrin for a fever. There is only a total of 14 school days left and I was really hoping he wouldn't miss anymore. After the winter this household has had, I was hoping we'd get a break from illnesses.

There were not one but two week and a half stretches where all the kids were sick. Clifford missed a week of school from the flu. Not just that but his bg#'s were being tested at least 20-25 times a day to make sure we could keep his numbers up from dropping, we went through a lot of pixie sticks, and juicy juice during that time, as well as one mini glucagon shot. But it all he stayed out of the hospital and I manged to flush out his ketones.

So here's crossing fingers, and praying he's not catching something because we need to catch a break in the illness department, especially when it involves diabetes.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Why does God allow suffering??

Looking through tomorrow's adult Sunday School discussions, I saw we were discussing "Why does God allow suffering". This really made me sit and think because we all know when dealing with Diabetes our faith is sometimes tested. I previously wrote a blog post titled God and Diabetes . It was my way of letting other's know that I struggled with an answer to why God would choose to let my son suffer daily with a disease there is no known cure for. It was a true test of faith, the biggest test I've ever had to encounter.

I've learned in my readings that you have a choices to make daily, whether that choice is to be happy, to work, to love, to be angry, bitter, or to let Diabetes put a hold so tight on your life that you will never know what it feels like to be happy. I don't know about you but Diabetes already has the upper hand in our lives, and I'm not going to let it take control more then it has to. Back to the daily choices, there are many I choose daily, but the most important one is to "live". I understand it's hard when dealing with D to comprehend why God would make the "choice" to have D enter into your life. But think of it this way, I'm not going to sit back and just "deal" with D. I'm going to make sure we do our very best to make sure it's not taking over Cliffy's life more then it has to. I'm also going to do my very best to make sure we advocate, and work to find a cure. I don't think God would want those working on his behalf that will just "deal" with what he's placed upon us. I think he wants only the most determined individuals helping each other by working to the ultimate goal of a cure, an end of this disease. For this reason I feel God chose us that are touched by D because he knew we wouldn't just "deal".

Our Year with Diabetes in Pictures....

Today's D Blog Post is Saturday Snapshots featuring D!! I've decided to basically sum up our year with Diabetes in Pictures.

This about sums up our year with Diabetes... Through it all he's still smiling!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Awesome Things......

It took awhile for me to write up this post as it's very hard to imagine what "awesome" things diabetes has brought us. Today we experienced our first "LO". A "LO" reading on the meter means the blood sugar level is below 20!!! This happened after recess at school.

Honestly there are only a small handful of good things I can think of because of Diabetes..
1.) We take it day by day.... We were forced to slow down and cherish everyday with one another. It's a celebration when Clifford wakes up in the morning on his own. Putting him to bed at night is one of the more scary things that I have to do.

2.)I now have a HUGE understanding how many things work and affect the body. For example did you know that there are 4 calories per gram of carbs???? Or that 1/3 of energy from protein is made into sugar??

3.) Because of diabetes I am more aware of the symptoms of D. I am more able to recognize them much sooner.

I apologize for not having many positives about D today but I'm worn out from our first low incident, and the day in general.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Diabetes Bloopers and MORE...

When dealing with diabetes not everything always goes perfect. We have a swing of highs and lows, some that can be explained but more often then not there is no explanation for them. But the stress of dealing with this disease on a daily basis can get overwhelming at times, and it's good to take a look back on the lighter side of the disease.

Today is the perfect day for me to reminisce on our "Diabetes bloopers". Because today is one of those days that the stress of the disease, and lack of sleep for quite awhile is really weighing on me, and making things harder to handle. Today is one of those days I feel alone in Clifford's diabetic care, and everything is getting a bit overwhelming. It's not because of our numbers, they are great, within range. I recently discovered his dinner sliding scale was way too low and he needed more insulin, by increasing it our numbers have been wonderful! So in all looking back on the funny side of D may help with the general blah feeling about it today.

There have been many times since Cliffy's diagnosis that I have accidentally pricked some part of me with a syringe. In the beginning the first time I did this I remember briefly freaking out because the syringe had insulin in it. My thinking was this "OMG I just stuck myself with a syringe filled with insulin and now have given myself insulin, I'm going to make myself drop really low". After awhile I knew I didn't really inject any insulin just poked myself with the needles. The one time that sticks in my memory is that of when I was getting ready to put the insulin in the syringe, and the syringe fell and hit me right in my ankle bone, it was sticking straight up, not moving so steady. Yes this hurt, but I kind of played it off in front of Clifford. Thinking back on this I should have taken a picture because it was quite hilarious how steady and straight it was coming out of my ankle.

There have been times now that I accidentally get a cut on my finger or arm, and I start bleeding a little, I immediately test myself, it's perfectly good blood, why waste it right? Those are our little diabetes "oopsie's". They probably don't seem that funny, but actually were quite hilarious at the time.

It's hard to deal with this disease as a parent, I'm not going to lie and sugar coat it. I just cannot imagine what Clifford goes through or what he will in the future in dealing with it on his own. I have my good days and bad, and usually can get through my "bad" days without any fuss, but once in awhile everything seems so heavy on my shoulders that I just break down, and the tears start to run. I try to hold back but it's hard, it's our reality, and I'm plain sick and tired of this disease and what it does daily. I try to take pride in our little accomplishments if you can call them that. Those being those days when the numbers seem to be just perfect, but then D smacks you right back in the face to let you know in fact they are in charge and you are just living in a little fairytale world thinking you may be able to control them. I get through these days it just really sucks, (no other word for it), during the times I feel like this. I'm not perfect so I'm not going to always be smiling about Cliffy's diabetes. There are days if you ask me I'll tell you it's not so bad and we are managing it good. And there are other's I will openly admit I hate the disease and let you know just how much I hate it. Today is one of those days. So thankfully I was given a chance this morning to look back on the lighter side of D and remember that not everything in dealing with this disease can be perfect, but it's hard not to wish it was. It's hard not to feel alone when you try to shield your child from the downside of dealing with diabetes and let them be a "kid". Today this D mom is worn out and tired of battling D, and plain hating the fact D entered into Cliffy's life. But like any other bad D day I will get over it, and keep doing what I have to, to kick it's ass.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Letter Writing Day-A letter to Clifford.

Today for D-Blog week our topic is to write a letter. There were many topics I could have chosen to write to, for example to our Blood Glucose meter, The Freestyle Lite. Clifford and I personally love this meter, it requires a minimal amount of blood I mean dealing with D we need to find some positive somewhere, right? . Instead I thought about this topic a bit and decided to write to Clifford.

Dear Clifford,

It's crazy how big you are getting, and just how smart you really are. I'm very sorry D came into our lives just a short year ago. But through it all you've showed just how strong you really are. We've had our scary moments in our year with D, but we've managed to come out and continue on our journey. I'm very thankful every day that you are in my life, and I thank God that he has watched over you during the times I thought we might lose you. I wish more then anything for you a cure. If I could wave a magic wand and switch places with you, I would in a heartbeat. But until the day comes that we get our wish answered we must continue on with our battle. We will have our ups and downs, and days were we hate D for entering in our lives. But know this we will make it through it all still smiling, and thankful that we have another opportunity to be with one another. Everyday is a celebration for me when you wake up in the morning, and I see your face. I want more then anything for you to know I love you more then you'll ever realize, and I'm grateful for being your mom.

You may get in trouble because you misbehave, but know this, it's for your own good. I wish for you my son that one day a cure will be found, and you can live out your dream of being in the military. Until then we must continue to raise awareness, and keep battling the beast we refer to as D. If there is ever a time you are sick of dealing with D, take a break from thinking about it, and let me care for you as I do daily. Try not to worry about anything, as I will do my best to keep you healthy. I want for you to be a kid first, not a kid with diabetes.

Love, Mommy

Monday, May 9, 2011

Admiring our differences.....

Not everyone is the same, we all bring something unique to the table. I love to see the differences in everyone. Besides, if we all were the same that would just be way too boring.

To start off D Blog week our topic is "Admiring our differences". First and foremost I admire each and everyone of you that deal with Diabetes on a daily basis, no matter which type. Diabetes is no fun in any shape or form. I admire the strength adults have to live with this beast, and I admire the perseverance of Parents of T1D's.

But for the purpose of this post, the differences that I admire as a mother of a T1 Diabetic would be those of our adult T1 bloggers such as Kelly Kunik at DiabetesLiciousness. Adult T1's like Kelly give me the inside insight on what it is to live with T1 as an adult. It is a bit comforting to see this inside view because one day Cliffy will be all grown up and on his on. Just the thought of that scares the crap out of me.

I already worry enough what it's going to be like during his rebellious stage in his teenage years. I have already well prepared that I'm not going to be his best friend during those times. But hope in doing so and keeping on him about keeping up with his diabetic care, that he will be very responsible with his care as an adult. And that eventually one day we may be best friends once again, when he realizes I only did what I had to do to keep him happy and healthy.

Until that day when we can sit and chit chat on what it was like with him growing up with D, I will be behind the scenes doing the very best I can to make sure everything is working, minimizing complications, and most importantly making it so he has as much as a "normal" childhood I can possibly give him living with D!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day, and what it means to be a MOM.

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of a D mom???? What I think of is "Determination". I could have said lack of sleep, stressed, worried, or even fearful. But determination sticks out the most. Because above all else, we are determined that there will one day be a cure for our children. We are determined that even with a disease that doesn't behave running wild through their tiny bodies, that they will lead and live a normal, healthy life. We are determined they will learn just how strong they are, and how much we love them. And most importantly we are determined for our children to LIVE!!

What it means to be a mom all around to me is never ending love. The type of love no matter how bad, how mouthy, or how crazy you are, it stays with you. I hope that even though my kids will eventually get older, and have a family of their own and move away that they know and will never have to question whether they are loved. Mother's Day has gotten more interesting and fun as the kids get older and want to do and make things for you. In all I got 7 different flower pots, 3 carnations, COUNTLESS number of cards, breakfast in bed. But most importantly Hugs and kisses, and Many Happy Mother's Day from "all" my kids.

I heard many comments from members of our church today from "Well behaved kids, how do you do it, what's your secret, and super mom". But the comment that stuck with me the most, was the praise and admiration of another member for bringing the children to church and sunday school, so they can in turn learn about God's love. It's funny how watching your child learn to pray, and fold their hands can bring tears to your eyes.

I may lose hundreds, or more hours of sleep during my lifetime, I may get peed, puked and pooped on (this actually happened today by accident, Thank you ANNIE!), I may at times, just think "I cannot wait till these kids go to bed", or have days where the constant tattle telling just get's annoying. But in all I'm thankful and grateful for the opportunity that God has presented before me. The opportunity to mold, shape, and raise these little people. The opportunity to feel loved like no other love. This quote holds true

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

What makes my journey as a Mom even better is to have someone to share my journey with. And for that I am also very Grateful and thankful that God chose to make our path's meet again, and from that give us two more children, Annie & Maggie! It's a fun experience to watch them grow up and interact with one another. Our journey has just begun, but it is definitely going to be a great one!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Another Day in D Land....

If you knew a monster lived in your house that has tried to take your child's life not once but three times, how would you feel about this beast? If you knew this monster was your permanent guest in your house and there was no way to rid your child of this life threatening beast, how would you feel? This is how I look at Diabetes, it is a monster, a vicious beast, that is not welcomed but however will stay with us until a cure is found.

I write this post for two reasons, this morning we had a scenario that brings chills to my body just thinking about the possibilities. Because this scenario reminded me of past events where this beast tried to take my sons life. In this post I will share with you what happened today to make me remember these events, and I will also share our past experience with D.

It all started with this: I'd like to know how one's blood sugar can go from a low of 72 at 5:45 am to 455 by 7:30 am????!?!?!?! I have a few choice words for D at this point, especially when we only treated with a Juice box, and nothing else... Yes I've heard of the dawn phenomenon, but seriously D, that much of a spike for no reason whatsoever in my opinion is completely and utterly ridiculous.

I can just imagine what this feels like for Clifford, I'm sure it cannot be fun at all. To my surprise even though he was extremely high, he was not acting up. We also didn't have any ketones. But please tell me how I'm supposed to feel comfortable with sending him off to school at 455, after being given the highest dosage of insulin on his scale??? We've dealt with the unfortunate outcome of D being an outright ass before and not cooperating. Back in April of 2010, only 2 weeks shy of our 2 months since diagnosis, Clifford was extremely high with afternoon snack. We were still learning the ropes, and he was still in the mindset of eating whatever and whenever he wanted and had snuck a giant pixie stick, with no insulin to cover...... Long story short, at this time the highest dosage was 5 units for snack on the sliding scale he was on. Now let me tell you snack is only supposed to be 15 carbs. I, not knowing a lot about D at this time, gave him his insulin, and snack. He ate it like a champ and went up to his room to play. As I was down doing the dishes about 30 mins later Abby came downstairs and said Clifford was laying down on the floor in his room.

I ran upstairs to find Clifford laying face down in front of his bed, he was unresponsive to me and wouldn't wake up. I rolled him over and noticed a bump on his head. At this point I was convinced something was wrong, but I tried to stay calm and told the girls it was okay, please go downstairs and sit in the living room. I ran for our Emergency shot called Glucagon. Before giving him the shot, I quickly tested his blood sugar to find he was in fact 52. I attempted to wake him or stir him or get any sort of movement out of him, but nothing happened. Now it was time for me to give him the emergency glucagon shot to bring up his blood sugar quickly. For anyone that doesn't know what this is, it's one scary looking needle, just saying. It's huge in comparison to our normal syringes to give insulin. Even though I was trained to use this, it was very hard to do with my hands shaking. I somehow, I don't really know how or what happened exactly it was all a blur, but I gave him the shot in his belly (more meat to work with there for this HUGE needle). I tested him and his blood sugar had jumped up to 144. But yet there was still no response from Clifford. I immediately called 911, and told Abby and Hayleigh to please get their shoes on. All the while trying my best to keep them calm, but it was soo very hard to do with myself freaking out on the inside thinking I was losing my son. It seemed like forever but the ambulance did eventually get there.

Thankfully my neighbors took Abby and Hayleigh and Clifford and I were off to the hospital in the ambulance. He still was unresponsive, but began to vomit in the ambulance. His blood sugar on the trip was staying steady around 140-150, but no response from him. When he began to vomit he started making weird noises but no words. We got to the hospital and while they are great people, I just don't think they understand Type 1 diabetes and hypoglycemic episodes very much. Thankfully after getting them to understand what happened, his endo team was called in Pittsburgh, and plans were made to transport him to Children's Hospital. There was still NO talking, no motions, no nothing from Clifford at this time, but all his vitals were normal. It wasn't until after Chad had arrived at the hospital from work, and I was talking with the doctors, nurses, making the plans to transport him that Clifford started to come to, and was screaming out "Mommy". All I remember from this point on was I jumped over the bed next to him to be at his side to calm him down.

In all we only had a one day hospital stay but it was still one of the most scary situations of my life. That was until June came around......

In June out of no where Cliffy started acting weird, at first it seemed like he was just being bad, but I looked at him over and over and something just didn't seem right to me. I checked his blood sugar but he was 143, not low, so it was even more confusing to me. I had him come downstairs, instead of staying upstairs, and sit on a chair in the living room. I got in front of him and started asking him questions, something just didn't seem right, he was there talking, but I couldn't really make out what he was saying, and he wasn't making any sense at all. His eyes were looking at me, but they seemed to be looking right through me. I remember turning to Chad telling him something, just something didn't seem right at all. Low and behold a few seconds later Clifford began to have a seizure. I was not quite as calm this time around as I was the first time, I'm sure Chad can attest to that. We called 911, put Clifford on the floor and tried to keep him from hurting himself while he was seizing. When we finally got to the ER his blood sugar had dropped to 39. The nurse ran out of the room and got their version of a glucagon shot to put through his IV to bring him right up. He was brought back up but was still out of it, in and out of sleep. He eventually was life flighted to Children's in Pittsburgh, where again we had a one day hospital stay to figure out why his blood sugar while at the hospital was constantly dropping. He was fine the next day, back to his normal self ready to go home. Myself on the other hand was not.

I really try my hardest not to hate this disease but how can you not hate something that has almost taken your son's life not once but 3 times, including DKA at diagnosis????? If D were a person who attempted to kill my son 3 times, I can most definitely see myself hating this person more then anything. I have my days with D that I wish I never had to watch my boy suffer because of it. I've also had days where D cooperated and it wasn't so bad.

But then there are times like last night when Abby comes downstairs for snack at 8pm and tells me Clifford is upstairs sleeping. Normally for a parent with a non diabetic child this would be awesome, wow they put themselves to bed!!! But for me, I dropped everything that was in my hands and ran up to his room. I called out his name trying to wake him up. It took two times but he woke up and I asked him what he was doing. He said "I'm sleeping, I'm tired". I breathed out a sigh of relief , it had scared the crap outta me to hear that he was sleeping. Clifford just doesn't fall asleep, and if he does it usually isn't good.

Everyday is a fight, and I try my hardest to make Clifford think everything is as normal as possible. I try not to complain about D out loud where he can hear, or talk about how scary it is to send him off to school, or how I toss and turn over and over at night because I worry how he's sleeping. Or how my heart jumps when the phone rings in the morning and it is him calling from school to let me know he's there and feeling good. Or the adverse effect of when my heart sinks when the school calls randomly on an unscheduled call. But because D decided to enter our lives this is my reality I deal with on a daily basis. I do not wish for anyone to feel sorry for me or for Clifford. In fact I want the opposite, feel happy because we do our best to live a normal life, just with an added visitor.