During the day I can see Clifford up and playing. I can see the look in his eye's if he goes low. You know that glazed over look that seems to stare right through you? Yeah that one, I can see it, and can catch that low even if he doesn't feel it. I can see if he isn't acting quite like himself and prompt him to test himself, and catch a low that he might have missed as well. At night time however I cannot see either of these things. I can only rely on my testing ability while half asleep with one eye open, and my D mom instincts that wake me out of a dead sleep at an unscheduled time to test.
So every morning when he wakes up and begins to walk down the stairs I say a little prayer to God and thank him for waking my son up this morning. Every morning no matter how tired or grumpy I am is a little brighter for the fact that Clifford woke up, and made it through another night of dealing with diabetes.
I have to say I am jealous of parents that are able to put their kids down to bed at night, give hugs and kisses, tuck them in with their favorite stuffed buddies, and think no further as to what the night might hold for them. Parent's that get awoken from the occasional cries of their child from a nightmare they had. A cry or scream in the middle of the night from Clifford sends chills down my spine that I do not wish for anyone to experience. In those few seconds I seem to gather super human speed and rush up to his room in the matter of seconds for fear that he is dropping low.
So for those of you that have the same fears I do every night as we lay our little ones down to bed, I want to let you know you are not alone and I understand. I understand the joy in your heart when morning comes and you walk into their room and stand for a few seconds to wait to see if they are breathing, and then they do. I understand the fear you go to bed with every night as you tuck them in. I understand the sleep deprivation and being fueled by caffeine alone. You are not alone, I understand!
To those that do not have a child with diabetes, cherish the moments that you put your child down to bed at night and have no worries about what the night holds. These moments are priceless, believe me I would give anything to have them back again.