Today is the perfect day for me to reminisce on our "Diabetes bloopers". Because today is one of those days that the stress of the disease, and lack of sleep for quite awhile is really weighing on me, and making things harder to handle. Today is one of those days I feel alone in Clifford's diabetic care, and everything is getting a bit overwhelming. It's not because of our numbers, they are great, within range. I recently discovered his dinner sliding scale was way too low and he needed more insulin, by increasing it our numbers have been wonderful! So in all looking back on the funny side of D may help with the general blah feeling about it today.
There have been many times since Cliffy's diagnosis that I have accidentally pricked some part of me with a syringe. In the beginning the first time I did this I remember briefly freaking out because the syringe had insulin in it. My thinking was this "OMG I just stuck myself with a syringe filled with insulin and now have given myself insulin, I'm going to make myself drop really low". After awhile I knew I didn't really inject any insulin just poked myself with the needles. The one time that sticks in my memory is that of when I was getting ready to put the insulin in the syringe, and the syringe fell and hit me right in my ankle bone, it was sticking straight up, not moving so steady. Yes this hurt, but I kind of played it off in front of Clifford. Thinking back on this I should have taken a picture because it was quite hilarious how steady and straight it was coming out of my ankle.
There have been times now that I accidentally get a cut on my finger or arm, and I start bleeding a little, I immediately test myself, it's perfectly good blood, why waste it right? Those are our little diabetes "oopsie's". They probably don't seem that funny, but actually were quite hilarious at the time.
It's hard to deal with this disease as a parent, I'm not going to lie and sugar coat it. I just cannot imagine what Clifford goes through or what he will in the future in dealing with it on his own. I have my good days and bad, and usually can get through my "bad" days without any fuss, but once in awhile everything seems so heavy on my shoulders that I just break down, and the tears start to run. I try to hold back but it's hard, it's our reality, and I'm plain sick and tired of this disease and what it does daily. I try to take pride in our little accomplishments if you can call them that. Those being those days when the numbers seem to be just perfect, but then D smacks you right back in the face to let you know in fact they are in charge and you are just living in a little fairytale world thinking you may be able to control them. I get through these days it just really sucks, (no other word for it), during the times I feel like this. I'm not perfect so I'm not going to always be smiling about Cliffy's diabetes. There are days if you ask me I'll tell you it's not so bad and we are managing it good. And there are other's I will openly admit I hate the disease and let you know just how much I hate it. Today is one of those days. So thankfully I was given a chance this morning to look back on the lighter side of D and remember that not everything in dealing with this disease can be perfect, but it's hard not to wish it was. It's hard not to feel alone when you try to shield your child from the downside of dealing with diabetes and let them be a "kid". Today this D mom is worn out and tired of battling D, and plain hating the fact D entered into Cliffy's life. But like any other bad D day I will get over it, and keep doing what I have to, to kick it's ass.