Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Why do I feel so guilty...

The life of diabetes is never ending. As every other night I usually test Clifford's blood sugar at midnight and 3am, however last night I was particular sleepy. I treated a low at 10pm, rechecked and he was back within range. I checked once more before going to bed, but decided not to check at midnight and 3am... In fact I said a little prayer and asked God to watch over him as he slept. I also asked if he were to go low for God to wake me to let me know, somehow, someway like in the past. Well around 1am Annie woke up and after I got her back to sleep I decided that could in fact have been my little sign and he was low. So I dragged myself upstairs in the dark with my little meter with a light in tow. I waited what seemed forever for those few seconds for the meter to beep, and low and behold he was 84! Which during normal daylight hours is not all that low. However at night this is not a number to mess with. SO I treated, waited and rechecked and he was back within range. After that it was a restful slumber until I woke up this morning. He was fine within range and happy, cheerful and most importantly alive! However after the other night the guilt is killing me. I keep asking what IF I did not wake up at that time and decide to check him since I didn't set the alarms. Two nights prior I set alarms for 1am and 3am since I had checked him at 11pm. I woke up at 7am freaking out because the alarms did not go off when I knew I set them on the iPod. However after looking at it they were both off and the 1am alarm was mysteriously deleted. Thankfully Clifford was awake and at a 156! But again the guilt... So I ask myself, he was fine, I caught the low last night but why do I still feel so guilty... When JDRF came out with their ad to open the eyes of the FDA a few weeks back it was wonderful and great they put the truth out there very right to the point. In case you haven't seen the ad you can view it here:

But I think the statistics shocked everyone (1 in 20), now that is why I feel so guilty.