Sunday, June 3, 2012

Only time will tell……

I’ve pretty much given up on the idea of a full night’s sleep. It’s not that I don’t like to sleep, or that I don’t want to sleep. It’s that sleep has become pretty much an unknown to me at this point. Pretty much since around the time Clifford was born 8+ years ago sleep has been a thing of the past, just as one child would start to sleep through the night, another was born. And then there’s a whole different type of “no sleep” when it refers to diabetes. I’m going to be open and honest in the fact that in the beginning they wanted us testing nightly at 12 and 3 am, for about the first 2 to 3 weeks after diagnosis. I was beat, a zombie you might say and looking forward to any bit of relief. Then we were told you only had to test 2 nights a week. PHEW what a relief. And that’s what we did… I think back now. OMG I cannot believe we only tested 2 nights a week, what in the hell were we thinking. But it’s what the endo told us to do, you know a trained professional, a doctor who went to school for quite sometime to get where they are today, so I trusted them. We are very lucky that thankfully those nights, God took over and was watching over Clifford as he slept, there’s not other reasoning for nothing bad happening overnight.

But now, I test before I go to bed at night, I have to, it’s my little reassurance. If he’s good, I say thank you, and set my alarm for midnight, or 2 hrs after the testing time, whatever that might be. Then here is the tricky part, if he’s good still and in range and not too lower on the “in range” side, then I make a decision whether or not I’m going to get up 2 hrs later and test, or let him go. However if a correction is made that is a no brainer, I get back up and test to make sure he didn’t drop too low.  Now tonight as I sit here on the crazy time we’re having, I miss those nights where I still slept some in between testing. He’s high 440 at last check, 476 the one before that. Ketones are pretty much none at all 01., 0.2, but he’s high! I’m correcting like crazy and he’s not budging. So I made the decision that I was going to switch out the insulin, I just had this feeling it was the insulin. I corrected, and set a temp basal of 115% for an hr. Now was that the right decision. I don’t know, only time will tell. Will I be able to go to sleep at 1:30am, I don’t know only time will tell.

The best question in all of this is will there be a cure for this damned disease in the future? I don’t know only time will tell. But I “HOPE” so hard that I don’t think I can hope anymore that there will be. Or a better way of treating it then we have now. Only time will tell if sometime I will revisit sleep once again. I do definitely miss it.