Friday, January 28, 2011

Temporary Home

Ever listen to the Carrie Underwood song, "Temporary Home"? It's sweet, cute and sad all rolled up in one. Each time I listen to it, a few different things and how it all relates to me and my life, come to mind. I'm only 28 years old ( omg yes I know I just threw my age out there.....) but in some ways I feel much older and much younger at the same time. I've had life experience for the most part I wish I didn't have to have at such a young age. But we all make mistakes, and we have to learn and move on from those mistakes. The one thing that is a constant that I would never change in my life are my children, (all of them). No matter the mistakes I made in the past it led me to have them be apart of my life, and to me that is priceless.

This song to me relates on a few different levels, the chorus states

"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."

In my life previous to this all, I never felt as if I was at "home". I never felt comfortable like it was my home. Even though my things were there, and my children and I lived there, to me on the inside it never felt like home. I just never felt as if we belonged there. This part of the song hits home with me because now for once I feel as if I belong, I feel as if I'm finally "home". Things may be tough, but somehow I manage to keep an optimistic outlook on everything. I know deep down things will get better eventually, and until then we are just along for the ride so we should at least enjoy it.

I've also never had the pleasure of looking at someone and knowing I love them with my whole heart, (other then my children of course, from the moment they came into my life I knew I would do anything for them, it is a whole different love). But I've never truly looked at another person and just felt safe, wanted, and more importantly that I belonged. This may seem a little corny, but to me it is very real. I think this feeling is one of the best feelings in the world that everyone should have a chance to experience. It comes on at different times. For example and this may seem funny to some. We were watching a few episodes of Season 7 of the Office on Hulu this past week, just laying there on the bed watching it. During one of their little commercials , which btw I've gotten spoiled with Netflix and no commercials, but anyways during one of their commercials, I don't remember what Chad said exactly or if I said something who knows, he's always picking on me. But after it was said and we laughed he looked over at me and I just glanced back at him and again corny, but that was one of those "moments". We weren't doing anything special, we weren't professing our love for one another, etc. He just looked at me, and I just felt like it was right. That I could look at him forever, (plus he's very easy on the eyes ;) ). But that moment was very special to me and something I will always remember, and well now he will know just how corny I truly am deep down...... Oh well Cat's out of the bag.

Another aspect of my life this song really hits home is with Clifford's diabetes. I more then anything would like to see a cure for this disease during his lifetime. And hopefully soon enough he can at least enjoy his life without D. So sorry to say D but with you it's just our temporary home. We want you to leave as quick as you came into our lives. We would like nothing more then to get a divorce from you and never hear from you again!

Maybe I'm more sentimental today because it's the 2nd anniversary of my Grandma passing. I miss her more then anything, but what I think I miss the most is the time I lost with Grandma because of one of those "mistakes" I made. I miss the time my kids could have spent with her getting to know her. I miss that she wasn't around for the twins to be born. I miss all the big get togethers with Grandma and Grandpa when we were all younger. I just really am missing her today. But in all I'm managing to keep it together, and I think it's because my kids are here and I know I have someone that if I just want to cry or need a hug for no reason will understand and be there for me.

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