Looking past diabetes for the day!

Although we live with this lifelong chronic disease 24/7/365 from time to time it's refreshing to look past diabetes. For my look past diabetes today I am going to look into one of the most important reasons I get up daily with a smile on my face able to weather the storm. And let me introduce you to that reason now:


Have you every felt like a piece of your heart, your life was missing, and no matter what you did you could not feel complete? Well almost 2 years ago I found my missing piece. Happiness to me before was just a word, a word and feeling out of my reach. I remember the moment I knew my life was changed forever and for the better. I was 14, I don't exactly remember where we were or what was going on, but I remember laying down beside Chad looking over at him. I believe this was the same day he hit a wiffle ball right into my chest, but hey that's another story. As I was laying there staring at him and listening to him talk I knew that from now on he would always hold a piece of my heart. Even though I have had my share of strife and pain in my life after that moment when I was 14, I never felt alone. There was 8 years after high school that I didn't get to see him, that I worried about him and prayed he was happy.I didn't know what to expect when I searched him up on Facebook 2 years ago. I just wanted to see how he was, and what was going on with him now. I could have never imagined that the feelings I had all this time for the last 15 years would be returned much more over. I cannot explain the feeling of happiness I feel now, because there is truly no words for it. He is not only my missing piece but my best friend. No matter what is thrown at me now I know that because I am complete that I can handle it. It is probably creepy to him but there are times usually daily that I just look at him and wonder how I got so lucky. I think to myself, "He's so gorgeous, I could just eat him up".... okay maybe that is creepy, but w/e it's true. He's not only gorgeous as that is apparent by his handsome good looks :), but he's soo smart. I never had any expectations going into this with him other then I knew it just felt right, like it's always been this way. He is a great dad, not only to his boys and our girls but to all "OUR" kids. I could not imagine my life any differently. It may have taken me quite a while to let him know how I truly felt but I will now not let a day go by without letting him know I love him sooo much. Apparently it was in God's cards that one day I would be able to experience the feeling of happiness 10 times over. Who ever thought we would go from here:


to where we are today... I wouldn't change it for anything! Chad, I love you more than you will probably every know, this is why I insist that I am right when I say I love you MORE! You are my best friend, my heart and soul, and one of the best things to ever happen to me. I am very blessed to have you in my life.... <3 you.

High Bg #'s, corrections, ketones, oh my!

I've come accustomed to understanding what is going on and why we are seeing certain #'s or ketones, etc. However I am completely baffled by the happenings of the last few days. On Wednesday Clifford woke up at 333 with moderate ketones, not feeling good, ate and wanted to go right back to bed. It took until 2pm to flush out the ketones and get his numbers finally under 200! The next day Pre Pump class, he was feeling great, but still numbers were high, with a 414 at Children's hospital for no reason, he had 4.5 units at Breakfast which is A LOT for him and it still didn't come down in fact it went up, but no ketones at this time. All day long there were no numbers under 200, in fact we concluded the night, or so we thought at 309, with a correction dose of 1.5 units, and 0.5 to cover the carbs for snack. 2.5 hours later you would assume his BG would be lower especially seeing as I opened a brand NEW bottle of humalog, and Lantus at bedtime, nope actually it was higher at 314. He was corrected again, and rechecked 1.5 hrs later, and still sitting at 254! I thought he would be okay and dip again at 3am due to his Lantus peaking, but nope, I was woken up at 1 am with him screaming out that he had gotten sick, in fact all over his floor. Once everything was cleaned up bg was checked and he was 163, but he got sick again, and again, and once more until 1:30 when he was finally sleeping with a BG# of 146. Finally at 2:30 I checked him he was only 133, and I treated since he would be dipping at 3am. I rechecked once more at 3 and he was now 121, time for bed. He actually slept straight through until 7:30. Wish I could say the same for me, I tested him once more at 5am before laying back down and he was 124. When he woke up we were at 98 and he was actually hungry, and his tummy was only hurting a little bit. He has been feeling much better all day long and I'm baffled as to if a virus hit him or he was feeling the unfortunate side effects from consistent high blood sugars for a day.

On the road to pumping

Soon within the next few months our lives will change once more. This time for the better. Yes it will be almost back to diagnosis time again learning and getting used to a new "norm", but we will get the much needed flexibility. In addition we are "crossing fingers" we are approved for the integrated cgm that can be included which will help relieve some stress as well. We had our Pre-Pump class today and choose the Medtronic Minimed Paradigm insulin pump, we are thinking of going also with the Mio infusion set. This will be a whole new world of diabetes that we are not used to. It's exciting, confusing and scary all rolled in one. The funny thing about our Pre-Pump class is I felt at home, they were speaking my "language". I knew what they were talking about and learned a few things as well. It was nice to be around an environment that we deal with daily. So hopefully very soon you'll see a blog post with a picture of a smiling Clifford and his shiny new "pancreas".

Why do I feel so guilty...

The life of diabetes is never ending. As every other night I usually test Clifford's blood sugar at midnight and 3am, however last night I was particular sleepy. I treated a low at 10pm, rechecked and he was back within range. I checked once more before going to bed, but decided not to check at midnight and 3am... In fact I said a little prayer and asked God to watch over him as he slept. I also asked if he were to go low for God to wake me to let me know, somehow, someway like in the past. Well around 1am Annie woke up and after I got her back to sleep I decided that could in fact have been my little sign and he was low. So I dragged myself upstairs in the dark with my little meter with a light in tow. I waited what seemed forever for those few seconds for the meter to beep, and low and behold he was 84! Which during normal daylight hours is not all that low. However at night this is not a number to mess with. SO I treated, waited and rechecked and he was back within range. After that it was a restful slumber until I woke up this morning. He was fine within range and happy, cheerful and most importantly alive! However after the other night the guilt is killing me. I keep asking what IF I did not wake up at that time and decide to check him since I didn't set the alarms. Two nights prior I set alarms for 1am and 3am since I had checked him at 11pm. I woke up at 7am freaking out because the alarms did not go off when I knew I set them on the iPod. However after looking at it they were both off and the 1am alarm was mysteriously deleted. Thankfully Clifford was awake and at a 156! But again the guilt... So I ask myself, he was fine, I caught the low last night but why do I still feel so guilty... When JDRF came out with their ad to open the eyes of the FDA a few weeks back it was wonderful and great they put the truth out there very right to the point. In case you haven't seen the ad you can view it here:

But I think the statistics shocked everyone (1 in 20), now that is why I feel so guilty.

It always could be worse.......

I complained last night and this morning, even yelled at the alarm in the middle of the night because I was tired and wanted to sleep more than 1-2 hours a stretch. But after waking up and reading over some news feed throughout the Diabetic Online Community (DOC)I will take my complaining back, because it always could be worse. A family in Australia lost their 17 year old daughter during the night of November 8th to Type 1 diabetes... It's very sad that one cannot put their child to bed and know that they will wake up bright eyed in the morning. There have been many mornings when Clifford has slept in later than normal that I have tip toed slowly to his room for fear of what I might find. Even though he's tested overnight it's no guarantee that he will wake up in the morning.

It's unfortunate that it seems every month it seems another life or lives is lost and cut way too short because of this disease. Every month a stream of blue candles are lit in memory of those lost to diabetes. I will stop complaining of my lack of sleep and alarms going off ( I may not stop yelling at them) because it always could be worse, it always could be the latter....

With diabetes there is no guarantee
But it always could be worse

Diagnosis day is a tragedy
But it always could be worse

A full time job with no vacation or pay
But it always could be worse

A broken heart with an ache that will never cease to go away
But it always could be worse

That constant feeling of resentment
But it always could be worse

Sometimes we get lost in our own pain and torment
That we forget, it always could be worse...

I'm no beta cell...

Have you ever had a moment where it seems like everything is hitting you all at once? How about a day that was just "off". For the most part I have handled (at least I think) Clifford's diagnosis as best as one can handle a diagnosis of a chronic lifelong illness. But there are days where I get more than frustrated at the disease. Just when you think you've gotten a little bit of a "handle" if there is even one with D, on it, BAM! You are smacked back into your place of the "unknown". There is no consistency whatsoever with Diabetes. NONE. Period. Seeing as it's Diabetes Awareness month perhaps it's best to vent my frustrations at D now, here for everyone to see exactly at some point what we all go through. I read, and read, and read, and even read some more to try to grasp a bit of an understanding at what is happening in my son's body. To try to understand as best I can how certain foods affect him. I measure his blood sugar, count the carbs and give what I think from my training is the best dosage of insulin to keep him with a good stable blood sugar. But I'm no "beta cell". In case you are not familiar with exactly with what a beta cell does, here it is. A beta cell is located in the islet cells in our pancreas. They constantly measure the blood sugar, and produce insulin as needed which helps us "Non D'" to maintain a stable blood sugar. Our pancreases are so awesome in fact when say we haven't eaten for awhile, our blood sugar will start to drop, but the pancreas senses this and shuts down the production of insulin and will begin to produce glucagon, which helps to bring the blood sugar back up. It's a perfect machine of balance.

Really there is no point to this post except there are times that I am very unhappy that I cannot function like the perfect little machine of the pancreas. I'm just no beta cell...

Life with Type 1

Seeing as November is Diabetes Awareness month I think it would be best to shine some light on what it is to live with Type 1 diabetes as a child. There is a lot of different aspects to Type 1 so it will be better to provide you with a little insight on a daily basis rather than throw it all at you at once. The first little peek into the life with T1 as a child I will give you is what happened yesterday. This is the 2nd time this school year so far this has happened. I got a call around 1:30 that Clifford's blood sugar was running high all day 5 check so far throughout the day and well over 300+. He had a substitute nurse who had not worked with Clifford before and was unfamiliar with what to do in this situation. She said Clifford had just come back down and wasn't feeling good, he said his head hurt and his stomach hurt. Which when you have a high blood sugar like he did, it makes you feel icky, (upset stomach, headache, etc, etc, etc). Over a month ago the exact same thing happened but he was 451, not feeling good so he came home, got some insulin, and felt better within the hour. However the substitute nurse didn't feel 'comfortable' with dosing him when he was not supposed to be. So long story short he came home. He got a small snack, insulin to cover the carbs plus 3 units of a correction dosage because by this time he was 427. An hour and a half later he was 129! And most definitely feeling much better.

The point to the story is that Type 1 never gives you a break, at Cub Scouts we were hit with a low, and at school he was forced to come home and miss out from getting Halloween treats and classwork in the later part of the day. No break, ever....