Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The Scariest Journey I Make

Have you ever had a scary moment in life, that made you think to yourself “Whew glad that’s over”. Well that moment in the life of a D Parent happens more often than not, except we don’t get to say “Whew Glad that’s over”, because it never is. The scariest journey I make is during the mornings that Clifford doesn’t wake up early on his own like the rest of the kids. Instead he’s quiet, in his room, hopefully sleeping.

That journey I had to relive again this morning. I walked up the stairs, said a little prayer, slowly made my way to his room. At that moment I felt like I wanted to peek out with only one eye open to see if he was in fact sleeping or even breathing for that matter. Good news, this morning he was just tired, and slept in, and woke up with a BG of 116!

But it was in those few short moments on my walk to his room, that I felt my heart pounding right out of my chest in fear of the “What if”, “What if I didn’t test him enough during the night”, “What if the decisions made during the night weren’t right”, and “What if despite all my efforts D decided to take him from us”….

I cannot explain that fear, it’s one that I live with daily, and just really try to bury inside telling D that it will not win, it will not succeed. Instead of giving into the fear, we go about our day like any one else would. But it’s in those few short moments during a walk to his room, because he slept a little later, that the fear creeps up again once more without my permission.

1 comment:

  1. Every minute of every day, for 18.5 years, that fear has consumed me whenever my son was not within my sight. We D moms may not HAVE the big D, but we SUFFER from it as though we do. What a private club be belong to... what we'd all give to not be members.