Diabetes Vacation

I took a 'mini' vacation on blogging and talking about Diabetes. Reason being is I just get burnt out talking D on a daily basis. We still live with and deal with D daily, but sometimes I just get tired of talking about it. For the most part D has been being good since the start of summer vacation. We went a week straight with no number higher then 172 ( A WEEK!!!!) that is a huge accomplishment in my book. Now since Clifford has been home this week our numbers have been awesome as well, all pretty much within range, except one higher waking number due to morning hormones, (Damn you hormones, I can't control you....)..

Yesterday however we had all lower end numbers with quite a few lows, 3 lows during the day and one overnight low of 66! I could absolutely, no matter how hard I tried wake the boy up. At one point I thought I did as he responded finally by opening his mouth and letting me give him pixie sticks, he even sipped on a Capri Sun as well. However this morning I asked if he remembered waking up last night and he had no idea of what I was talking about.

I was just a wee bit bitter last night when the low hit during my bedtime check of him. I was tired, only slept a total of 2 hours broken the night before, I had laid everything in place in hopes that the twins would sleep through the night and BAM 66! I may have expressed said bitterness with a choice of words normally not spoken. By 11:30 we were only up to 85, however instead of treating him some more, I did some quick math in my head, he can up around 19 in 30 mins, so my thinking was check in another 30 he should be up possibly another 20. And low and behold at 12 he was 121, he actually came up 24!. The 121 satisfied me and I laid down for some rest.

These morning hormones are killer to me because I cannot possibly control how his hormones are released and what havoc they will reek on his numbers. Thankfully he was only 165 at wake up time. The victory to me and well worth the lack of sleep even in my zombie like state was seeing him in the morning happy, unaware of what happened the night before, and more importantly Alive!

So don't mind me from time to time if I don't have a post for a few days, perhaps a week. I just get burnt out talking D 24/7.

Forgiveness....

While reading my book yesterday the one chapter got me thinking. It was about greeting the day with a forgiving spirit. It really had me thinking about those I thought I had forgiven, and those yet to be forgiven, aka Diabetes. It necessarily doesn't have to be a person you must forgive in order to set yourself free. It can be something that you detest so much it pulls at you from every direction.

I wrote down a few of the quotes that I really enjoyed in there and would like to share it with you all. "When I give forgiveness, I free my own spirit to release the anger and hatred harbored in my heart. "By granting forgiveness, I free my spirit to pursue my future happily and unencumbered by the anchors of my past. While I really love these quotes for other aspects of my past. I am however uncertain if I've reached the spot to forgive D for entering into our lives. I really do not enjoy the resentment, and hatred that I carry with me. It's making me feel tired, and held back from reaching my full potential with everything in life. This part of me knows it's not healthy to harbor these feelings for this disease, but it's so easy to. It almost took my sons life, not once but three times. It's very easy to speak ill about D at any given point.

However I feel I need to release these feelings towards this disease in order to move forward with our future and in order to move forward as a more effective pancreas for Clifford. So today I am offering my forgiveness to Diabetes.

I forgive you for entering into our lives through my son. I forgive you for taking control over his body, I forgive you for being a royal pain in the hiney ALL the time. And most importantly I forgive myself for not always being perfect, I do the best I can and that is all that I can ask for.To quote another quote from my book " I realize today that it is impossible to fight an enemy living inside my head". "By forgiving myself I erase the doubts, fears, and frustration that have kept my past in my present".

I believe if I can forgive D, I can therefore open the door to forgive anything and everyone that has yet to be forgiven, or appropriately forgive those that I had forgiven in the past. Forgiveness is a gift to be given, not a gift to be asked for.

In case you are curious as to the book I'm mentioned a few times now, I highly recommend it. It is called "The Traveler's Gift", by Andy Andrews.