Turning down candy?!?!?!?

What kid do you know of that turns down candy? Today while going into church the kids were offered peppermint candies, Clifford immediately said "No thank you, and pointed to his diabetic bracelet!" It's a weird sight for people when a kid turns down candy. He has learned very well over the last year and a half. At Bible school he told his teacher that he was not able to have the bread with them for a snack because he was diabetic and bread had carbs in it.

I'm not a big meanie so I let him take a piece of candy to save for another time. He decided instead to save his candy for Chad when he comes back for annual training! In addition to knowing what not to eat, he's also a sweet kid, when he wants to be.

We're BACK!!

It's been awhile since my last post. Summertime is crazy busy, Clifford get's extended visitation with his dad, (one week each summer month) and those weeks happened to be almost back to back. It seemed like they were never home! However now it's my turn to have the kids for a good stretch and I've got them for almost 3 weeks straight! We are having our summer vacation at Chad's mom's while he's away for Annual training with the military! It's been an interesting few days here in our world. Some words to describe it hectic, headaches, non-stop, but most importantly fun, entertaining, memory creating, and worth while. D on the other hand has been a thorn in my side. It started with crazy lows, which couldn't be brought up for nothing. The kid had 65 grams of carbs uncovered to treat lows, and still managed only to get up to 96!! That told me to decrease his insulin for the increased activity levels. So the next day I went ahead and decreased. It is working wonderfully! His numbers are within range. But we now know that watermelon is an evil sucker in D land on #'s. He had a slight high the other night and the only change was watermelon.

Now that high bugged me but what bugged me more was a low of 56 at 4am!!! His 12, and 2am check was fine, 102, and 154. Now that 56 came out of nowhere. Thankfully the big man himself was looking out for Clifford, because he woke on his own to let me know he felt very dizzy and sea sick! So we treated with not 1 but 2 juice boxes, and a pixie stick. Seems like a lot of carbs and sugar huh? But with my experience the other night from his dropping and not coming up much I felt it was necessary. I also expected him to be high in the morning with a treating at 4am. But nope, we were 140 at breakfast.

D is trying to be a butt on our vacation but we're not letting it spoil the fun! He's been running, playing baseball, jumping on the trampoline, and has done a bunch of swimming! The best part of Cliffy's vacation is he met a new friend who also happens to have diabetes! Clifford and Lenny took to each other right away and had a blast together. He got to see Lenny's pump and how it works. They even both gave rufus a shot at snacktime the other night. Although I personally think they gave him quite a bit too much insulin (60 units!!). All in all it's been fun. I've been kept busy which is a good thing. I however do miss my Chad, (yes MY chad) but we'll see him in 2 weeks!! So until then we're going to have fun and not let D get in our way!

Diabetes Break

Clifford is on a week long visit with his dad, so there is no D in the house, and it just feels un-natural. For the most part I'm doing okay with not worrying "as much" about how his numbers are and what's going on. It's hard not really knowing his numbers until he get's back, other then asking Clifford on the phone and getting a short "eh good, and high" response.

So how do you enjoy a Diabetes break? I still have moments when I wake up in the middle of the night a bit concerned that I need to go test him, then I realize he's not home. So then my mind wanders wondering if he is getting tested and what's going on. I've just come to the realization that a break from Diabetes is not really a break at all. I still think about his numbers and wonder how they are. I still forget he's not home and think I need to go test him. I still out of habit look at the labels on everything and start counting out the carbs, then remember I don't have to. You'll even hear me mention just how much sugar and carbs are in certain things because I sit there when I have a moment and read the nutrition labels, just for fun, I guess.

It's hard to really write about anything surrounding diabetes when he's away as I'm not dealing with the day to day. I however deal with the non stop feeling of D. The same feeling you get when you send your D child to school for those few hours during the day. You might not be dealing with all things D, but you still are dealing with it inside.

I'm doing my best not to worry, but really how can you stop thinking about it?

Low after low after nighttime low....

Diabetes has really decided to 'test' us this week. Cliffy's numbers have been beautiful since summer vacation started. He's been playing outside like crazy when he's home and the added activity has done wonders for his numbers. We've been within range since the end of school (80-160) with exception of a few highs, and other times when he's not home. Those high's however have occurred after a long night of nighttime lows and treating those lows.

Since Sunday we've had lows 3 out of 5 nights this week already due to increased activity during the day. While exercise and activity is great for Cliffy we run the chance of running low also. It's definitely tiring when after a long day I go to check him before I go to bed and it beeps with a low number. The hardest part is having to wake him up to treat him. I've talked before how pixie sticks work wonders for these times, but we were fresh out after the 2nd night of lows, so it was juice time. After what seemed like forever of trying to wake him up, he woke still half asleep and drank some juice and ate a few cheerios.

Upon waking this morning he remembered none of that. The downside is the mornings he was low were followed by a high of 200-250. It's definitely a smack in the face when his numbers have been wonderful. Even after a 'treat' of a chocolate brownie one night he was 182 waking, and steady throughout the night. The 182 was a victory for me, especially with the brownie and having to really guess the carbs in the brownie to cover with insulin.

It's been a tiring summer so far, but it's been worth it to know he's been safe, and his numbers have been great, giving less of a chance to D to reek havoc on his body!

Diabetes Vacation

I took a 'mini' vacation on blogging and talking about Diabetes. Reason being is I just get burnt out talking D on a daily basis. We still live with and deal with D daily, but sometimes I just get tired of talking about it. For the most part D has been being good since the start of summer vacation. We went a week straight with no number higher then 172 ( A WEEK!!!!) that is a huge accomplishment in my book. Now since Clifford has been home this week our numbers have been awesome as well, all pretty much within range, except one higher waking number due to morning hormones, (Damn you hormones, I can't control you....)..

Yesterday however we had all lower end numbers with quite a few lows, 3 lows during the day and one overnight low of 66! I could absolutely, no matter how hard I tried wake the boy up. At one point I thought I did as he responded finally by opening his mouth and letting me give him pixie sticks, he even sipped on a Capri Sun as well. However this morning I asked if he remembered waking up last night and he had no idea of what I was talking about.

I was just a wee bit bitter last night when the low hit during my bedtime check of him. I was tired, only slept a total of 2 hours broken the night before, I had laid everything in place in hopes that the twins would sleep through the night and BAM 66! I may have expressed said bitterness with a choice of words normally not spoken. By 11:30 we were only up to 85, however instead of treating him some more, I did some quick math in my head, he can up around 19 in 30 mins, so my thinking was check in another 30 he should be up possibly another 20. And low and behold at 12 he was 121, he actually came up 24!. The 121 satisfied me and I laid down for some rest.

These morning hormones are killer to me because I cannot possibly control how his hormones are released and what havoc they will reek on his numbers. Thankfully he was only 165 at wake up time. The victory to me and well worth the lack of sleep even in my zombie like state was seeing him in the morning happy, unaware of what happened the night before, and more importantly Alive!

So don't mind me from time to time if I don't have a post for a few days, perhaps a week. I just get burnt out talking D 24/7.

Forgiveness....

While reading my book yesterday the one chapter got me thinking. It was about greeting the day with a forgiving spirit. It really had me thinking about those I thought I had forgiven, and those yet to be forgiven, aka Diabetes. It necessarily doesn't have to be a person you must forgive in order to set yourself free. It can be something that you detest so much it pulls at you from every direction.

I wrote down a few of the quotes that I really enjoyed in there and would like to share it with you all. "When I give forgiveness, I free my own spirit to release the anger and hatred harbored in my heart. "By granting forgiveness, I free my spirit to pursue my future happily and unencumbered by the anchors of my past. While I really love these quotes for other aspects of my past. I am however uncertain if I've reached the spot to forgive D for entering into our lives. I really do not enjoy the resentment, and hatred that I carry with me. It's making me feel tired, and held back from reaching my full potential with everything in life. This part of me knows it's not healthy to harbor these feelings for this disease, but it's so easy to. It almost took my sons life, not once but three times. It's very easy to speak ill about D at any given point.

However I feel I need to release these feelings towards this disease in order to move forward with our future and in order to move forward as a more effective pancreas for Clifford. So today I am offering my forgiveness to Diabetes.

I forgive you for entering into our lives through my son. I forgive you for taking control over his body, I forgive you for being a royal pain in the hiney ALL the time. And most importantly I forgive myself for not always being perfect, I do the best I can and that is all that I can ask for.To quote another quote from my book " I realize today that it is impossible to fight an enemy living inside my head". "By forgiving myself I erase the doubts, fears, and frustration that have kept my past in my present".

I believe if I can forgive D, I can therefore open the door to forgive anything and everyone that has yet to be forgiven, or appropriately forgive those that I had forgiven in the past. Forgiveness is a gift to be given, not a gift to be asked for.

In case you are curious as to the book I'm mentioned a few times now, I highly recommend it. It is called "The Traveler's Gift", by Andy Andrews.

Love / Hate relationship

It took me awhile to summon up just the idea of writing this post. Diabetes and I have a Love/ Hate relationship going on, and I will explain to you why I feel this is.

Before Diabetes, I wouldn't have guessed I was low when I was shaky/ dizzy, and just not feeling right. However last night I felt all of the above and decided out of curiosity to test myself. I was '73' which is considered by all "normal" for a non diabetic, but I felt like crap, and decided to "treat" myself. I ate a pixie stick, and went on with my business. In a short while I felt 100% better. So therefore there is the little bit of "love" I will show to D. I thank D for teaching me to look for the "signs" of a lower blood sugar.

However I also have a HUGE 'hate' relationship with D as well. This 'hate' relationship was even more amplified last night while I had to pry my sleeping child's mouth open, not just one time to 'treat' him but twice. To my non D readers, "Have you ever tried to shove sugar down a sleeping child's mouth"?. It's not fun, let me tell you. Clifford refused after numerous attempts by me to wake up. Now let me start by saying he wasn't dangerously low, but he was lower then I would like to have him at only 10pm. When I went to check him before my bedtime he was '86'. This would be a wonderful # during the day, but at nighttime it upsets my stomach. I then decided to give him a pixie stick to tide him over. After I'd say 5 mins of attempting to wake him up, I had to do what any good mom would do when trying to shove sugar down their sleeping child's throat, get him to slightly open his mouth, and what I like to call "Fish hook" my finger on the side of his cheek to keep it open enough to pour the pixie stick in, all the while he is sleeping. After I got that completed I felt confident enough to go to bed.

Now I don't know about you but I surely believe that God has entrusted in me a 6th sense of sorts, to just have a feeling that I need to test Clifford. However last night I think he offered up some assistance to awake me so I could do it. My neighbors or whomever it was woke me up with a car parked outside our house about 40 mins later, and they would not go away. It was annoying enough to wake me up completely, then for some reason I decided I should go check on Clifford. Once I got up, and looked out the window, the car decided it was time to leave. After testing him again he had only come up to 90! Again an awesome number during the day but at night nope, no thank you. I again had to pry open his mouth and pour another pixie stick down it. Thankfully the rest of the night was rest, until 4am when the twins awoke, and I decided to check on Clifford before going back to sleep. With the beep of the meter it was like a ton of bricks hit me, '232'. REALLY?!?!?!?! By this time the pixie stick really had no effect on this because I retested 30 mins after treating the '90' and he was at a nice 131.

Now apparently the ugly dawn phenomenon decided to rear it's ugly head. After the night we had, and the forcing sugar down his throat, D couldn't let me have at least one victory with a nice waking number, instead he was 213 at breakfast. Well you know what D, I did have a victory, he woke up to greet yet another day! I kept him from dropping lower, and God was on our side to awake me to check him when he was only 90! So ha take that!